Spell Variety... Like Abracadabra??

Duh!!! Well of course there should be a variety of spells, it's a book full of them! But why to help them exist and survive in the next world?? Or to help the deceased enter the afterworld immediately after burial? Seems odd, doesn't it? What happened to abracadabra? I mean don't you think that if you lived your life once, you'd be able to do it again? Not quite because once you die everything goes kaa-pooie. And you need more guidance than you used to. In your first life, you knew how to do everything just from knowledge. Not this time. It's like you were brainwashed as soon as you died and nothing was coming back. That's how the spells from the Book of the Dead can help. They can help you restore your memory, and even breathe and eat. Like a baby being born, starting all over again. Boy that's gonna take a while though. :)

Recite... Ya right!

In front of gods? The SOUL had to recite stuff? What in the world?! Thirty-six sins? Wow, I know! Doesn't it seem crazy? Well to the Egyptians, it was serious stuff. If the soul couldn't list thirty-six sins that they had never committed, then they were on their way back to nowhere at all, except for their coffin. Yikes, that sure is some tough love from those gods. What about some statement? Oh yeah, they had to recite a formal statement of innocence; to prove that they weren't lying, and hadn't committed those sins. Gosh that would be SO nerve racking. For the soul to be thinking "This is it, make it or break it. If you screw up, then your next life will end." (In fact it will never begin.)

Pyramid and Coffin Texts... Wait like phone texts??

Pyramid and Coffin Texts, are different?? So your telling me that there's a difference in the way people text? Man, where have I been. Oops I think they were talking about spells from Ancient Egypt. Wow I'm kinda scaring myself here. Now back to the topic: Pyramid Texts were magical spells for the Pharaohs ONLY. Yet Coffin Texts could be used by anyone who could afford to have a coffin carved or painted, with magical inscriptions. That's funny. I mean I knew that Pharaohs got way cooler and specialer stuff... But a whole text full of magical spells that no one else had?? That's a tiny bit over the top in my mind. But I guess they were SUPER important, you know, being gods and all.

Four Sections... Say what?!

The four sections in the Book of the Dead are a little weird in my opinion.


#1 How to protect the body in the tomb. What's that all about?! You don't need protection when your dead! Well to the Egyptians, it was CRAZY important! Why you ask? Because without protection, it'd be hard to survive in the Underworld. Therefore you couldn't move onto the Afterlife.





#2 How to make the journey to the Netherworld. Huh? Well it's kinda like the next world to them. Whenever you die you move onto another life, and start over. It's like our Heaven and Hell. Could be paradise... could be something that I don't to think about...





#3 How to pass the judgement of the gods. Godsssssss. How many gods were there anyway?! Actually there were 42! I know! Can you believe it?! You have to pass judgement of 42 different gods! I don't no about you, but I hope I never did anything to offend them... 'cause you know how some gods can hold a grudge for as long as they live in your mind and memory. And that's a LONG time!!!





#4 How to exist in the next world, after being accepted by the gods. Why do you need instructions on how to live your next life?? There's no point, right? Wrong. You lived your life, then died. So everything went ka-pooie. Splat gone like a bomb. Now you need to know how to do it all over again.





That's why this book is more of a guide than just a spell book. 'Cause you'll never know where it will all take you... as soon as everything's gone ka-pooie. :)

Critizing... the Memorizing

Okay now, I'm surprised. Listen to this theory: the Egyptians used to memorize spells, but not in your ordinary sort of write three times kinda way. They would SHOUT AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!!!! Like this, over and over; hoping that the noise will help them remember the words after death. No offense but that's a little creepy. All of a sudden your neighbor starts shouting random spells and doesn't care if you hear. That would get kinda annoying. You know, SOME people (like me) want to sleep in the morning! Gosh it's like some of these Egyptians are getting too selfish. But you gotta love there ideas. :) Although it may annoying, think of what it could do to your voice box?? Shouting for a little while each day; trying to remember. Your voice could run out of it's voice box, and you couldn't memorize them. They would be useless when you die. Ugh that would suck for the Egyptians, but I think that would be very rare.

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